There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
