hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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