smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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