I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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