dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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