I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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