why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm just crazy horny about you
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
