why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
we should paint friendship bongs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
