he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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