the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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