I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I understand Curling. That high.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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