I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
