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After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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