I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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