stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
