Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
