I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
