he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
