If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
