Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
