i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
