So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
