I think my fart just growled at me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
