dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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