Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i believe in u and ur pee
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
