So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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