Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
