He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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