my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
