she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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