I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
