it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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