Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
