oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize