yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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