508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
