I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
