Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
