is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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