You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
