This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
