are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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