We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I look better un-naked...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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