Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
