I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize