It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
