well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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