btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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