What a fucking waste of an outfit
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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