I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
