What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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