so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
