I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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