thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
