i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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