Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
