Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
