yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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