you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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