Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."