mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!