Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
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I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.