Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
don't judge my taste in strippers
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.