Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?