if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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